Twenty minutes later the Hanson family got of the bus fifteen stops too early.
“Hey, wait a second,” the bus driver called after them. “I thought you wanted to go to...” But it was too late. The Hansons were off the bus and rapidly disappearing into a mass of streaming traffic as the bus pulled away from the curb.

“Now, the department store should be just across the road...," said Mrs Hanson. She trailed off when she realised that across the road was a smallish suburban-looking house. It really didn't look like they were in the heart of the bustling city of Melbourne.
“Thanks a lot, Mom,” Taylor snapped. “I told you we shouldn’t have got off the bus here. Now where are we?”
Mrs Hanson pulled the bus timetable out of her handbag and studied it, not realising she was holding it upside down.
“Hmm,” she mumbled. “It doesn’t look like there’s another bus coming along for about six hours. Well, we'll just have to walk to the city. Won't that be fun, kids?!" Silence. "Kids...?"
Just then, they heard a huge moan come from Isaac, who had been feeling himself confusedly ever since they got off the bus.
“Mmmmmooooooooooo!!!!! Nnnooooooo! I left me toaster on the bus!!!”

Isaac’s family clustered around him as he sat, sobbing, on the sidewalk. Their brows were furrowed with concern. Admittedly they were more concerned about whether Isaac was about to embarrass them or not, rather than about why he was actually sobbing, but nevertheless...
“We hafta find her,” he moaned. “She’s the love of me life!”
“What about Belinda?” Taylor asked.
“What? You c’n have the stupid chick. I just want the toaster.”
“Yesssss!!!” Taylor hissed. He was overjoyed. Belinda was his once more. He turned back to the immediate problem in hand. “Never mind, Ike,” he addressed his older brother. “When we get home, we’ll phone the bus company and ask them if they’ve found your... er, girlfriend."
“OK,” Isaac sniffled. He stood up, brushed himself off, and grinned. Ike was happy again. The rest of the Hanson family heaved a sigh of relief and they started the long walk to the city.

After an hour of walking, the Hansons’ steps were lagging. All except Ike, who was marching ahead, no problems. He was so far ahead he was almost out of sight, when his long-suffering family heard a scream of horror. With a burst of energy, they raced towards Ike. He sounded like he was in trouble, and he was family, after all, even if he was a bit, well, peculiar.
Isaac was standing motionless, obviously in shock. He was standing so still that the only evidence that he had not died standing upright was the fact that he was emitting an ear-piercing shriek. His ever-loyal family crowded around him.
“What’s wrong, Ike.”
“Yeah, man. Are you all right.”
“That was some scream.”
“My ears hurt, Mommy.”
“Hey, Ike. Say something, dude.”
“Toaster... Over there...,” Ike choked out. “In heaven... Dead! My toaster!!! Beloved!!! Oh, my love!!!" With that, Isaac collapsed in a weeping heap. Sobs racked his thin body as he crouched, bent over, oblivious to all but his overwhelming grief.
“What?!!!” Asked Tay. He looked around at his family. They all looked as perplexed as he did. All they could see was that they were standing outside the entrance to the town dump, and, about a hundred metres away, resting brokenly on a pile of old car tyres and tin cans, was a toaster.
It suddenly occurred to them. Knowing Isaac as they did, they quickly realised that his idea of heaven was the dump, and that if the toaster was in the dump, Ike would conclude that his beloved toaster had died and was now in heaven. Mrs Hanson gasped and bent over her son.
“Oh, my poor baby. Don’t worry, Ike, you’ll find someone else. The grief will become easier to deal with. Oh, Ike, you poor thing.”
Isaac’s whole family joined in with his mother to try and make him feel better. “Don’t worry, she’s gone to a better place."
“You’ll feel better soon.”
“Poor Ikey-poos.”
Soon Isaac was feeling a little more like himself. He stood up, and blew his nose on his sleeve. “We can keep walking,” he said quietly. “I’m all right now.”
“What was her name anyway, Ike,” Tay asked. “You never told us.”
Ike straightened up and gazed into the distance. “I called her Sunbeam, and she was beautiful.” He started walking again.

Behind Isaac’s back, his family exchanged glances. They could clearly see that the toaster sitting on the pile of old car tyres and tin cans was made by Black & Decker Toaster Manufacturers, not Sunbeam Toaster Manufacturers...
They started walking again. They weren’t going to say anything. Ike’s poor long-distance vision had rid the family of an extremely embarrassing situation. They decided to put off taking Ike to have his eyes examined...

A while later, the Hansons finally found themselves outside the huge department store where they had arranged to meet Belinda. They went inside. Jessie, Avie and Mackie dragged their parents off in the direction of the toy area, and Zac and Taylor took Isaac up to the second floor to look at the CDs, and get his mind off the toaster.
Unfortunately, the lift up to the second floor was broken, and the man fixing it said that he would be at least another two minutes. Ike, Tay and Zac, being the impatient youngsters that they were, couldn’t wait that long. They decided to go outside and use the emergency fire escape stairs on the outside of the building.
To get to these stairs they had to go down a small, dark, dirty-looking alleyway beside the department store. As they ventured down the narrow space, they heard some peculiar grunts coming from a doorway. Tay broke into song. “Isn’t it weird, isn’t it strange..." His brothers joined in with him, and their harmonious melodies filled the smelly alleyway.
They walked a little further, and they came to the place where the grunts and moans were coming from. The boys, being naturally curious, turned and looked. They gasped. Taylor whipped his hand over Zac's eyes.
“You don’t need to see this, little bro,” he said.
“I agree,” said Zac. “That was too disgusting for words.” Tay took his hand away. The boys stood there for a moment, just watching the disgusting proceedings.
“So why are we still standing here, then,” said Zac, after a few minutes.
“I dunno,” said Tay.
What was before them was indeed a horrible sight. Hanson gulped as they recognised Belinda’s friend, Kate. It wasn’t Kate that disgusted them, though, it was what she was doing. They peered harder into the darkness, and Taylor practically fainted when he realised who she was with. Nick Carter. Nick Carter, Backstreet Boy, to be precise. Belinda's friend from school was having wild, raunchy sex in a deserted alleyway with Nick Carter from the Backstreet Boys. And there seemed to be several pink plastic elephants and a broom involved, too. Zac looked more closely. He had never seen real, live, lubricated sex toys close up before. Maybe he should go over to Kate and ask her if he could have a better look, and maybe join in. What she was doing looked like fun. As one person, the boys stepped forward…

Meanwhile, Belinda had spent the morning screaming in agony. Her orthodontist was into what he termed “Nice, old-fashioned, natural methods”. These “methods” basically involved just ripping out teeth with a huge set of pliers and using no anaesthetic whatsoever. Every time Belinda screamed, her orthodontist would yell over the top, “Good old-fashioned methods!!! Just think about daffodils and the pain will go!!!” Belinda wasn’t impressed.

A little while later, Bel walked out of her orthodontist’s surgery. Her mouth was now decorated with metal, wire and rubber bands.
She walked to the corner, just as a bus headed for the city pulled up at the curb. She hopped on board and glanced at the bus driver. He was an ugly fool. She chose a seat towards the rear of the bus. That was funny. It had a toaster sitting on it. That was strange. Who on earth went around leaving toasters in buses?

[ 16 ]