The surgeon at the hospital peered over the top of his wire-rimmed glasses at Zac and Diana.
“There is absolutely nothing wrong with your son, madam," he said disapprovingly.
“Oh, that’s good, then. We must have made a mistake. Thank-you, Mr Surgeon.” Diana appeared to have totally forgotten about Zac, Tay and Bel’s disappearing act at the gallery, and didn’t realise that Zac had been purposely faking injury.
Diana walked out of the hospital. She headed for Belinda’s house to tell the others the good news about Zac’s leg. Zac walked behind her, all traces of his limp had vanished. Diana didn’t notice.

Later that evening, the Hansons and Belinda's family were watching television. Mackenzie was sitting on the floor. He tried to concentrate on the presenter of the inane gardening show the others were enthralled in. It wasn't working. Mackenzie was in pain. Something hadn’t felt right about his back ever since he had carried Zac to the hospital earlier that day.
Mackie ran a hand down his spine. He thought hard. Hadn’t they said on Sesame Street that your back was meant to be straight. His certainly wasn’t. In fact, Mackie realised that he was sitting bent at quite a large angle. He tried to straighten up, and something went "click".
Four-year-old Mackenzie Hanson tried to stifle a moan of pain. It didn’t work. His ever-concerned mother heard his whimpers, and picked him up.
Diana sat Mackenzie on her lap and cuddled him. “Is something wrong, Mackie?” She asked.
“Yes,” groaned Mackie. “Something is very much wrong. My spinal cord appears to be bent at an extremely uncomfortable angle. It’s probably due to me carrying Zac this afternoon."
“Poor baby,” Diana crooned. “We’ll take little Mackie to the hospital, will we then?”

The surgeon at the hospital peered over his wire-rimmed glasses at Diana and Mackie.
“You look familiar, madam.”
“Yes, I brought one of my other sons here earlier today. Now little Mackie has a back problem. Is it cancerous?”
“I very much doubt it, madam.” The surgeon examined the pained four-year-old. He frowned. He put Mackie on a bench and took a tape-measure out of his pocket. The surgeon made some obscure measurements, and frowned again.
Diana looked worried. Mackie looked even more worried. The surgeon consulted a huge book. He frowned again. He turned to Diana.
“Madam, do you have a toothbrush by any chance?”
“Now that you mention it, I do.” Diana pulled one out from behind her ear. The surgeon was positive it hadn’t been there a minute ago. The magic of mothers.
The surgeon examined the toothbrush from several different angles, then very carefully snapped it in half. He took the brush end, and, holding it like a dagger, advanced upon the hapless Mackenzie. Mackie whimpered.
It was all over in a flash. The surgeon made a gesture. Mackie giggled. Diana covered her eyes. Someone in the next room screamed. The toothbrush twinkled in the sunlight, and suddenly Mackie was sitting up, smiling.
“Are you in pain, Mackie?” Diana asked him.
“No, not really,” replied the four-year-old calmly.
Diana turned to the surgeon, gratitude evident in her warm eyes.
“You are marvelous, surgeon."
“Thankyou, madam. You are standing on my foot.” The surgeon frowned.
“Oh. Sorry.”
Diana walked out of the hospital, headed for Belinda’s house to tell everyone the good news about Mackenzie.
Mackie struggled along behind her, staggering under the weight of her large, leather handbag.
Some things never change.

In the middle of the night, Isaac felt hungry. He had a sudden craving for hammers and peanut butter. Maybe there would be some in the kitchen…
Ike went downstairs. There was a single, solitary streetlight shining in the window. It illuminated perfectly the beautiful personage residing on the kitchen bench.
Isaac fell in love. He advanced upon the toaster.
“So, what’s your name, my love?”
The toaster said nothing, but Isaac heard it.
“Oh, Black & Decker! What a lovely name.” He made his move.
“Wanna have sex?”
Not waiting for an answer, Isaac picked up the toaster and carried it back into the rumpus room. He put it in his sleeping bag and climbed in, ready for a night of passion. He had completely forgotten about Sunbeam.

The next morning, Belinda invited Kate and Nick to come over to her place. They could hang out together with Ike, Tay and Zac.
Belinda was in the kitchen, looking ravishing as usual in a blue T-shirt, shorts, and white running shoes. Today, however, she had decided to be daring, and was wearing a headband as well. Taylor thought she looked beautiful.
Taylor himself was resplendent in pair of skin-tight red leather pants, a skin-tight silver T-shirt. His hair was back in a ponytail. Belinda gasped when she saw him.
“I love the shirt, Tay, but those pants are really gay.”
“Oh well, I don’t have time to change before Kate and Nick get here.”
Belinda couldn’t be bothered pursuing the matter further. She was too busy braiding Zac’s hair, anyway. He was wearing red board shorts and a yellow velvet Hawaiian print shirt, in defiance of the cold weather.
Just then, Isaac walked into the kitchen. Bel, Tay, and Zac gasped. Ike looked relatively normal for once. He was wearing blue jeans and a dark green T-shirt.
“Ike, you almost look good!” Exclaimed Belinda. Almost. Unfortunately Isaac chose that moment to turn around. Pinned to the back of his jeans was a fake fur tail, possibly meant to belong to a lion.
“Ike, puh-leese take the tail off,” Taylor begged.
“Nuh-uh,” replied Ike, and that was final.
They didn’t have time to discuss it further anyway, because just then the doorbell rang.
Bel went to answer it. Standing outside was Nick, his arm around Kate.
Kate was dressed fairly normally, except for her hair, which she had sprayed with some bright yellow spray, over the top of her normal dark brown.
Nick was looking frightful in multi-coloured tracksuit pants, adorned with all manner of spots, stripes and swirls.
“What on earth are those?!” Asked Belinda.
“They’re my happy pants,” replied Nick.
“They look more than like gay pants to me. They’re the gayest pants I’ve ever seen. They’re even worse than Taylor’s!”
“Hey! Don’t knock my happy pants!"

Zac, Tay, Ike, Bel, Kate and Nick decided to play scrabble.
Tay finally won, using the word “flocsinhauninnyhilipipification”.
Previously the highest scoring word anyone had used had been Ike’s “toaster”.
Zac and Ike protested.
“That’s not a real word,” complained Zac.
“Is too.”
“Is not.”
“Is too.”
“Is not.”
“Is too!”
“Is not!”
“Guys, don’t be childish,” said Nick.
“We are not being childish!”
“Are too!”
“Are not!”
“Are too!”
“ARE NOT!”
“ARE TOO!”
“I bet you don’t even know what that word means, Tay," accused Zac, getting back to the subject in hand.
“Yeah!” Agreed Ike.
“I do too know what it means,” protested Tay. “Flocsinhauninnyhilipipification is ‘the art of estimating whether something is worthless’.”
“I don’t believe you,” stated Zac calmly. “Come on Ike, let’s go get a dictionary and check.”
“Sorry, guys,” said Bel. “We don’t have a dictionary in here. You’ll have to go next door and ask Bob if you can borrow his.”
“Right-io then, little bro,” said Ike cheerfully. "Let's go." The two walked out of the room.
“While they’re gone, Kate and I will go make some popcorn.” Bel and Kate walked into the kitchen, leaving Nick and Taylor alone...

[ 19 ]