l.o.v.e. spells trouble (and a horse)

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Chapter Four

“Whoa...” said Tay.  “What is this place?”

“Is it the other realm?” asked Aaron.

Isaac didn’t answer; he just kept marching on towards a paved road faintly visible in the distance.  Taylor and Aaron looked around in amazement as they struggled to keep up.  The flat, grassy field they were crossing was surrounded on all sides by high, rolling hills.  Apart from the road, this land seemed untouched by humans.  Tay and Aaron gave up sightseeing and questioning as Ike picked up the pace once again.

Ike sat down on the side of the road as if waiting for a bus.  The other boys joined him.  They didn’t have long to wait.  A few minutes later a young lad, about Taylor’s age, came running into view, carrying a green flag with a picture of a yak with devil’s horns on it and wearing nothing but a crude animal skin as a loincloth.  When the boy saw Isaac, he immediately sank to his knees, cried, “I greet you in the name of all yaks, slaves of the Devil, my Lord and Master!” and prostrated himself flat upon the ground, burying his nose in the dust.  Ike nonchalantly waved his hand in a gesture to the boy that his homage had been accepted.  The youth sat up gratefully and sneezed twice.  “Thank-you, my Lord, Devil Ruler of all of this Land, for allowing me to raise myself in your Exalted and Magnificent Presence.  I had dust up my nose.”

Aaron and Taylor were stupefied.  “What on earth...?”

“We’re not on earth,” replied Ike calmly.

“Not on...?  What?!!!”  Taylor was in shock.  This was easily one of the weirdest situations Isaac had ever gotten them in to.

The boy sat up straighter in acknowledgment of the duty he was about to perform.  “On behalf of his Most Serene Majesty, who does not deign to greet mere mortals, I welcome you to Isaac Land.”

“Isaac Land?” gaped Tay.

Before Isaac had time to answer him, however, there was a great clatter of hooves on the paved road, and a carriage pulled up, drawn by six snowy-white yaks wearing green plumes.  The carriage door opened and out stepped a middle-aged man, clearly someone important, as he had purple embroidery on the hem of his animal skin loincloth.  Isaac stood up in surprise and made a noise indicating pleasure at seeing this man, who came up to Ike, bowed, and shook his hand.  “Lovely to see you again, my Lord,” he greeted Isaac.

“Indeed it is, Uzbec,” Ike replied.  “I’ve just had the pleasure of being welcomed back by this lovely young man...”

“Ah, yes,” said Uzbec.  “My new Boy Who Runs In Front Of The Carriage, Urdar.”

Isaac suddenly remembered his own companions.  “Tay, Aaron, this is Lord Uzbec, my most trusted adviser.”

“Please...” begged Taylor.  “I need an explanation, and I need it bad.  My sanity is at risk.”

“Sure thing, little bro,” said Ike, cheerfully batting Taylor over the head at the near-sacrifice of poor Tay’s chin.  “This is Isaac Land, Ike Land for short.  I usually come here on the way to anywhere else I go using Ike-magic.  They worship me as the Yak Devil.”

“But they’re Palaeolithic!” Taylor exclaimed.  “Look at those animal skin loincloths.”

“Killing animals for their fur is naughty,” said young Aaron firmly, trying to cover up the fact that he hadn’t understood one word of what was going on.

“Advanced Palaeolithic,” corrected Ike, ignoring Aaron.  “Look at the plumes on those yaks!”

“Not too advanced,” mumbled Tay.  “Look at the square wheels on that carriage.”

“So you’re the Palaeolithic Yak Devil?” asked Aaron, finally catching on.

“That’s right,” said Ike.  “It’s just a pity we have to leave to find Bel before I can show you around.”  And with that he saluted Uzbec and Urdar, cast a quick spell, and they were zooming through space towards the other realm.

Taylor shivered.  Ike was SOOO weird.

“...And then the bathtub overflowed!”  Belinda finished telling the story of one of Isaac’s more disastrous escapades, and her new best friend, Sabrina, laughed.

“That’s the funniest thing I’ve ever heard,” Sabrina giggled.  “You are so lucky to have Hanson living at your house.”

“Yeah, but it’s kind of pointless seeing I can’t go back to earth for thirteen years.  I’ll probably never see them again.”

“Hi, Bel.”

“Oh, hi, Tay,” she replied.  Then it hit her.  “Taylor?!!!”

“We need your help desperately, Bel,” Tay begged her.  “You have to get us to Paris.”

“But I‘m stuck here in the other realm!” Bel cried.  She desperately wanted to help Tay with whatever he needed help with.

“I think I can help,” said Sabrina.  “I have my flying vacuum cleaner, remember?  We can all go on that.”

“Cool.  Thanks, Sabrina,” said Bel gratefully.  Problem solved, she had time to look around and notice Tay’s companions.  “Hi, Isaac.  Hi... Aaron?  Where’s Zac?” she asked.

“That’s why we need to go to Paris,” explained Taylor.  “Nick accidentally took Zac with him instead of Aaron.”

“Oh...”  Bel could see the problem.

“And if we don’t get him back,” Taylor continued.  “It’s going to be, ‘I’m Isaac. I’m Taylor.  I’m Aaron.  And we’re Hanson.’  Just doesn’t have the same ring to it, does it?”

“We’d better get a move on,” advised Sabrina.  “I’ll get the vacuum cleaner out of the cupboard.”

Five minutes later Bel, Sabrina, Taylor, Isaac and Aaron were all balanced on Sabrina’s vacuum cleaner, zooming through the sparkly, psychedelic void between one realm and the next.  They had only been going for a few hundred metres when Ike gave a low moan.

“Uh-oh,” Tay warned everyone.  ‘Isaac’s getting air-sick again.”

“Not on my vacuum cleaner he won’t,” snapped Sabrina.

That stern warning seemed to do the trick and quieten Isaac; he shut his eyes and clung tightly to the closest thing to him.  Unfortunately, this happened to be the “ON/OFF” lever of the vacuum cleaner.  It shifted into “OFF” position, and the motor switched off.  Almost immediately, the vacuum cleaner started to lose height.  It plunged towards the ground far below.

“Let go of the “ON/OFF” lever, you fool!” cried Sabrina.

Ike didn’t move.

“Please, Isaac,” begged Taylor.

Ike didn’t move.

“You’ll kill us all!” screamed Aaron.

They hit the ground.

“Where are we?” asked Taylor dazedly as he came to a few minutes later.

“I have no idea,” stated Bel.  “I don’t start taking geography lessons at witch school ‘til next week.”

“Wait a minute,” said Sabrina.  “This place looks really familiar.  See how it’s all blue and cartoony?  I think we’re in--”

“Smurf Land,” said a voice from behind them.

The five kids turned around to see a small blue man carrying a flaming pitchfork.

“Are you one of Lord Isaac’s people?” asked Taylor.

“Lord Who?” asked the man.

“Lord Who?” asked Bel and Sabrina.

“I was just wondering if you worship the Devil.  Y’know, you’re carrying that pitchfork and all,” Tay explained.

“Nah,” said the smurf.  “We’re having a riot here, is all.  Our spies found out the truth the other night: Papa Smurf is really a Communist.”

“Whoa...”  The kids’ beliefs were shattered.

“That’s scary,” said Aaron.  “I used to idolise him.”

“So did I,” agreed the smurf sadly, shaking his head.  He looked around.  “I think you guys had better leave pretty soon, if you don’t want to get involved in the fighting.  There’s the rest of the angry mob coming over the hill towards us now.”

Their eyes swivelled towards the hills.  There was indeed a group of rioting smurfs heading right for them, all brandishing flaming pitchforks.

Sabrina looked at her vacuum cleaner, snapped clean in half by the fall.

“I’m sorry, guys,” she said.  “I have enough power to zap myself back to the other realm, but Isaac’ll have to take you the rest of the way himself.”

“Okay, Sabrina,” said Bel.  “I’ll be back soon.  Try and cover for me with the Elder Witches, please.”

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