l.o.v.e. spells trouble (and a horse)

chapter eleven

It was the day after the part of Christobelle was cast and Isaac couldn’t stop talking about Susan. It was Susan this, Susan that. He was still desperately in love, even though it appeared that it was once again Taylor who would get the girl of Ike’s dreams instead.
“Oh, shut up, Ike,” Tay said, desperately trying to finish his English essay.
“Yeah, shut up, Ike,” Zac yelled, as he once again was defeated by the guy with four arms in level 12 of his computer game, “Unexpected Visitor”.
“You’re not still playing that game, are you?” asked Tay. “Mom told you to do your homework first.”
“But Aaron is up to level 19. I’ve got to reach the end before him,” Zac whined.
Despite the mix-up with the concert, Zac and Aaron Carter were still good friends, and spoke over the phone at least once a week. Zac simply couldn’t let his “little buddy” get ahead.
Just then, there was a ring on the doorbell. Isaac thought it was Susan, Taylor also thought it was Susan and Zac thought it was his psychoanalyst. All three paused, and ran as fast as they could down the stairs, breaking Bel’s mother’s Ming vase in the process. They opened the door with giant smiles on their faces. It was their mother.
Three expectant faces fell.
“I’ve never seen you guys so pleased to see me, then so unpleased!” she exclaimed cornily. Mrs Hanson could be a good deal like Carol Brady when she wanted to.
As they began to troop back up the stairs they heard the doorbell ring.
“It’s probably just Dad,” muttered Isaac.
“Guys, aren’t you going to give the mystery person behind the door a warm welcome like you gave me?”
“Mmm, nah,” said Isaac.
“Nah,” said Tay.
“OK, guys,” said their mother with a confused look on her face. “I’ll open it.”
She opened the door, revealing a tall girl with red waist-length hair pulled back in a long plait. Isaac gaped.
Diana quickly shut the door and turned to her sons. “Do you guys know that girl? Is she a fan? Why is she dressed up like a fairy?” she whispered.
Taylor had the situation in control. “It’s okay, Mom,” he reassured her. “It’s just my fairy godmother. She’s a little off the planet, but I can deal with her.”
“Good boy,” said Diana approvingly, lovingly patting her son on the head.
Tay opened the door again. “Whadda you f***ing want?” he asked.
“Aren’t you at least gonna let me inside the f***ing house?” she retaliated.
“F***. Come in, then,” said Tay. Diana smiled; her baby was remembering his manners.
The fairy godmother walked into Bel’s living room and sat down in the rocking chair. “Oh, f***! Before I forget, can I have your f***ing autographs? My sister’s a fan.” She pulled out a well-used MON CD.
“Do you have a f***ing sister?” asked Tay. “I didn’t know that.”
“Well, I f***ing do. She’s your tooth fairy.”
“MY f***ing tooth fairy?” asked Taylor.
“Yes, YOUR f***ing tooth fairy. Everyone has their own.”
“Who’s mine?” asked Zac.
“Umm... F***... Cher, actually.”
“Cher?” Zac asked in disbelief.
“F***, yeah. She leads a double life.”
“So why the f*** are you here?” asked Taylor as he carefully signed his name with an extra-long loop on the “y”.
“Cindy, the little f***er, is going to be married to Prince f***ing Charming tomorrow. She wants to borrow your f***ing cherry docs to wear as she walks down the aisle.”
“Well she can’t f***ing have them,” said Taylor. “They’re at the f***ing cleaners’. Avery f***ing threw up in them.”
“F***,” said Tay’s fairy godmother. “Cindy’s gonna f***ing kill me!”
“Why are you using the “f” word so much,” Zac asked Taylor and his fairy godmother.
“None of your f***ing business!!!” Taylor screamed.
“Taylor! Don’t f***ing yell at your younger brother!” the fairy godmother screamed back.
He poked his tongue out at her.
She poked her tongue out at him.
He made a rude gesture.
She hit him over the head with her magic wand.
He knocked the coffee table over onto her toes.
She kicked him in the shin.
He screamed in agony.
She glanced down at the retractable blades attached to her pink ballet slippers and smiled craftily.
Taylor pulled himself together and calmly watched the rivulets of blood spurting down his leg. “Here, Ike, your turn to sign.”
“Wha...?” Isaac was too busy gazing dreamily at Taylor’s fairy godmother to hear what Tay had said. In an instant, he had forgotten all about Susan and was now desperately in love with the fairy godmother instead.
“Isaac, or whatever your name is,” said the fairy godmother. “I don’t care how in love with me you clearly are. Just autograph the f***ing CD, OK?”
“Sure...” Ike was in a daze. He reached for the CD and signed, ‘Isaac’; the A’s were little hearts.
“Let’s see,” said Taylor thoughtfully. “I can probably get the shoes back from the cleaners’ at about eleven tomorrow morning. Why don’t we meet at the shopping centre and you can have them as soon as I pick them up?”
“Hmm...” said the fairy godmother. “The wedding’s at noon, so it’ll be cutting it a little fine, but that’s probably the best we can do. I’ll meet you outside the doughnut shop, OK?”
“OK,” Taylor affirmed. “I’ll see you then.”
The fairy godmother disappeared. “Where is she?” asked Isaac desperately.
“Look out in the street,” instructed Taylor all-knowingly.
Isaac rushed outside as fast as he could. He could just make out the figure of a girl on a Harley Davidson riding off into the distance.
“Bye,” he whispered as she disappeared over the hill. He walked back into the house and resumed his studies, although his mind was elsewhere.

10:20 the next morning...
“Oh my God, it’s gone! It has to be somewhere!” Isaac was tearing his sleeping bag to bits, rummaging through the mess of clothes, unidentifiable objects and bits of paper with pieces of song ideas on them, and every piece of paper Isaac saw he made a lunge for.
“Damn, another piece from Tay’s song,” he said, frustrated.
“Whadda ya lookin’ for, big bro?” Taylor asked.
“That brochure Mom got with the map of Melbourne on it. I need it to know where to drive to get to the shopping centre,” he said. Forty minutes before their first date and he had no idea how to get there. Isaac had convinced himself that the fairy godmother was as in love with him as he was with her; she was just to shy to call this a real ‘date’. Isaac had forgotten that he hadn’t even been invited along.
“Have you checked the fridge?” asked Taylor.
“Yeah, about a hundred times.”
“The rest of the house?”
"Good idea.” He ran out of the room and a thump, thump, thump could be heard as he ran downstairs. He walked into the bathroom, where Jessie, Avie and Mackie were sitting on the floor, making aeroplanes with scrap bits of paper.
“Have you guys seen a bit of paper with a map of Melbourne on it?” Isaac asked between gasps for breath.
Jessie had just taken a piece of paper from the ever-shrinking stack of scraps. “This it?” she asked.
Ike looked at it. “Thank-you, thank-you, thank-you.” He glanced at his watch. It read 10:50. Just in the nick of time, he thought.

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