l.o.v.e. spells trouble (and a horse)

chapter fifteen

The Hanson family had never been ones to look a gift horse (or in this case, a gift bull) in the mouth. They pushed the hire-car home with the bull tied to the back of it and dragging along behind.
“Hey there, Dudette!” said Walker to Belinda’s mother when they finally got home. “We’re cooking dinner tonight. I fancy a barbeque; how about you?”
“…”
“What?!” Walker was annoyed that Belinda’s mother hadn’t greeted his suggestion more enthusiastically.
“Um,” said Zac, “Dad, it’s raining.”
“Oh,” said Walker shortly. “So you think I can’t cope with a bit of a challenge, huh? I reckon that’s a pretty clear invitation for me to try! Kids, get the beach umbrella: we’re havin’ us a real good ol’ fashioned barbeque in the rain!”
“…”
The doubtful silence was deafening.

“I think the bull is almost cooked,” yelled Zac somewhere over his shoulder in the general direction of the house. He couldn’t turn his back on the barbeque for a second, not with the beach umbrella propped precariously on a low-hanging tree branch above. He was bent over the barbeque so his head didn’t get wet, but his lower half was still sticking out, so Taylor was solicitously extending a proper rain umbrella out over him. But then there was the problem of Taylor getting wet, so in his other hand was an umbrella for himself. Unfortunately, this left no one to pass the condiments and barbeque utensils to Zac, so they’d pressed Isaac into reluctant service. Ike, quite reasonably, which was unusual for him, did not want to stand out in the rain, so he’d quickly tossed Belinda’s father’s expensive Papua New Guinean Barbeque Emulsion with Extra Bananas over into the next door neighbour’s, Bob’s, garden. The new pack of pit-bull sextuplets Bob had bought in the last few weeks (ie. Ever since the Hansons had come to stay) immediately and efficiently screwed the top off the bottle, sucked out the sauce, and flipped the empty vessel back over the fence, knocking the beach umbrella into the flames.
Belinda’s father came running out of the house into the pouring rain, tearing his hair at the loss of his hideously pricey barbeque sauce and the scorches on his equally costly beach umbrella. Isaac was promptly dispatched back indoors, leaving Taylor and Zac to cope by themselves.
Jessica trotted outside with a large platter to collect the cooked bull; Mrs Hanson trotted along beside her carrying two umbrellas, one for her daughter and one for herself.
“How’s it going, dear,” she asked, addressing both boys impartially.
“Pretty well, considering,” said Taylor thoughtfully, chewing impartially on the cord from one of the umbrellas.
“I think it’s just about cooked,” said Zac. He crouched over the barbeque. “Get ready, Jess,” he said, “I’ll flip the meat onto the platter.”
“ ‘k,” said Jess. She stood ready and at attention.
Zac manoeuvred the spatulas under the huge bull lying prone and crisped on the grill. In one great heave he flexed his drummers’ muscles and launched the dead animal at Jessica. The little girl thanked the Lord that she had been Goal Defence on her netball team last season, and easily fielded the meat. She staggered under the dead weight and ran nimbly for the house, knowing she wouldn’t be able to support the platter much longer. Her mother danced along beside her, making sure to keep the meat covered. Zac and Taylor followed behind, after having extinguished the barbeque.
Inside the house, Walker stood up from the cushy armchair where he’d been reading, and clapped his hands together. “Ah, a good big meal to feed a hungry man,” he rumbled. “Grab some plates, Avie, and we’ll all feast!”
They were just about to tuck in when Zac leapt to his feet. “NOOOOOO!!!” he yelled.
“What is it?” asked Walker absently.
“The bull!” gasped Zac. “The lake!”
“What bull?” said Walker. “What lake?”
“The bull we’re about to eat!” exclaimed Zac. “And the lake we saved Mackie from – the lake with the poisonous algae. The lake…” Zac’s voice dropped dramatically, “The very lake that THIS BULL probably drank out of all his grass-eating life!”
“Zac, don’t swear,” said Diana.
“I said ‘grass-eating’,” Zac protested innocently.
“Soooo,” Taylor puzzled out, “The bull’s probably radioactive or something.”
The Hanson family threw down their forks. Luckily no one had taken a bite.
“Darn it, Zac,” said Walker crossly, “Why do you always have to stuff everything up?”
“Me?” asked Zac in astonishment. “What did I do?”
“You know,” said Walker darkly.
“I’ll order pizza,” said Diana.
“What’re we going to do with the bull?” asked Taylor. “I mean, the local council probably has laws about disposing of probably radioactive dead bulls.”
Isaac stood up. All eyes swivelled towards him. “Never fear,” he said, striking a pose. “I shall dispose of the dead beast.”
The others were glad enough to get it off their hands. They watched as Isaac heaved the bull over his shoulder and walked out of the room with it.

The next day Belinda’s mother noticed a strange smell emanating from somewhere in the upstairs hallway. She didn’t bother to stop and investigate, however, because just then an enormous spider, glowing green and about three feet tall, came out of the bathroom. Belinda’s mother grabbed a new ming vase from a triangular shelf recessed into the wall, and quelled the foul interloper with one fell sweep. Hmm, she thought, Isaac must be washing his hair. But Ike was nowhere to be found. To all appearances he had nothing to do with the spider’s appearance.
Oh, well, thought Belinda’s mother, it must have been merely a figment of my imagination. She wandered off, determinately ignoring the steaming carcass in the hallway.
About half an hour later, Zac was wandering around the house when he came across a second radioactive spider, ravenously feeding off the first. Zac quickly jumped behind a large, free-standing vase, to avoid the gamma ray emittions. Goodness gracious, he thought. What has the world come to? I need a Dr Pepper. Who ever heard of glowing green giant spiders feeding off each other in the hallway? This morning they refused to come out of the kitchen!
Suddenly, the spider which was still alive spotted Zac.
“Uh-oh,” said Zac. “Oh dearie me. If only Taylor was here to protect me. Taylor,” he called softly. The spider approached. “Taylor, oh, Taylor,” Zac warbled, a little louder this time.
Taylor, sitting on the high kitchen bench, huddled against Susan, trying to avoid the wrath of the giant spiders which snapped hungrily at their feet, heard Zac’s cry and forgot his own feet. “Stay here for a sec, ‘k, Suse,” he said caringly. “I have to go help my beloved little brother. He’s my best friend, only bester, y’know,” he informed her.
Tay jumped from the bench, flew through the air, bounced off one of the spiders, which, its legs acting as springs, launched him towards the door. Still in flight, he grabbed a breadstick and a colander, in midair placed the colander on his head like a helmet, and landed in a fighters’ crouch on the stairs, brandishing the breadstick like a sword.
Lucky this breadstick’s whole-wheat, he thought. I’ll need all the strength I can get to battle this particular spider plague. Taylor skipped nimbly up the stairs to save his brother.

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